Discover What’s Possible
Three approaches to exploring connection, intimacy, and relational growth.
What’s the difference between Surrogate Partner Therapy, Professional Cuddling, and Relational Coaching?
All three of these modalities offer opportunities for personal growth through authentic human connection and experiential learning. They can involve emotional intimacy, physical touch, communication practice, exploring boundaries, and learning new ways of relating.
There is considerable overlap in what we might do during sessions and what you might gain from them. The primary differences are in the nature of our relationship, how the work is structured, and the boundaries within which we interact.
In Surrogate Partner Therapy, we develop a temporary, authentic intimate partner relationship as part of a therapeutic process conducted in collaboration with your therapist. Surrogate Partner Therapy may be a good fit if you want to explore and practice intimate relationships within a structured therapeutic process. Perhaps you have limited experience with intimacy, have experienced painful or harmful relationships, or find that certain challenges arise when you become emotionally or physically close to someone. SPT offers an opportunity to work with these challenges through a temporary, experiential partner relationship, in collaboration with your therapist.
In Professional Cuddling, we focus on consensual, nurturing physical touch and the opportunities it creates for connection, self-discovery, and relational learning. Structured exercises may also be an important part of our work. Professional Cuddling may be a good fit if you want more nurturing physical contact, want to become more comfortable giving or receiving touch, or would like to experience physical closeness without romantic or sexual expectations. Because sessions are client-led, you will also have opportunities to learn and practice asking for what you want.
In Relational Coaching, we focus on your relational goals, using conversation, experiential exercises, and practice interactions—including physical touch when appropriate—to explore and develop new ways of relating. Relational Coaching may be a good fit if you want to understand your relational patterns, develop communication skills, practice navigating challenging interactions, or create more fulfilling relationships. We can work through conversation, experiential exercises, role-play, and other practices appropriate to your goals. Coaching can also be useful for couples who want to develop greater connection, understanding, and reciprocity.
Many of the same skills and challenges may be explored in any of these modalities. What differs is the context in which we explore them.
Still not sure?
These modalities overlap, and choosing one doesn’t mean that your goals are limited to that modality. We can discuss what you’re hoping to experience or change, and explore which approach and professional support structure would be most appropriate.
A more detailed comparison is made in the table below.
| Dimension | Surrogate Partner Therapy | Professional Cuddling | Relational Coaching |
|---|---|---|---|
| Defining characteristic | Experiencing an authentic, temporary intimate partner relationship | Experiencing nurturing touch and practicing relational skills | Exploring and developing relational capacities |
| My role | Intimate practice partner within a therapeutic process | Cuddling partner and relational practice partner | Coach, facilitator, and sometimes practice partner |
| Primary approach | Learning and healing through the development of an intimate partner relationship | Learning and healing through touch, connection, and intentional relational practice | Learning through reflection, dialogue, exercises, and relational practice |
| Emotional intimacy | Central to the work | Welcomed and supported within professional boundaries | May be explored and experienced |
| Physical touch | Can include a wide range of consensual intimate touch | Central to the work; platonic | May include hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and other agreed-upon nonsexual touch |
| Clinician collaboration* | Required throughout the process | Optional | Optional |
| Sexual intimacy | Optional. May be included when client, cinician, and surrogate partner agree it’s appropriate to the therapeutic process | Not included | Not included |
| Relationship structure | Temporary, therapeutically structured intimate partner relationship | Professional relationship centered on nurturing touch and relational practice | Professional coaching relationship that may include experiential partnership |
| Who I work with | Single cisgender and transgender women | Individuals | Individuals and couples |
| Duration | Typically a series of sessions, often 15 or more | Individual sessions or ongoing work | Individual sessions or ongoing work |
* More information about Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT) and the Triadic Model at my SPT website.